How to Have a Good Restaurant Experience in France
Starting lunch at the fabulous Jardin Mazarin restaurant in Aix-in-Provence, France. August 20, 2019.
In writing about the cultural difference between France and other western cultures—and about how understanding these differences can help travelers have a better experience—I realized that I really should cover the differences people will encounter in French restaurants in more detail.
A more full treatment of the subject will help people have a better restaurant experience when visiting France—and who doesn’t want to have a wonderful dining experience in a country celebrated for its food?
A quick note: I’d recommend you read my article about the cultural differences in France, for the broader perspective, and take heed of the recommendation therein to always make reservation for restaurants in France. (Yes, even the ones that seem laid-back from the outside.)
The French Apéro
The French consider restaurant dining, especially in the evening, an opportunity to spend quality time with someone or a group of people.
Therefore, dinner service in French restaurants often begins with what the French call an “apéritif.” In the United States, we might call this a “cocktail,” but in a French restaurant, it involves drinks and perhaps light snacks to share around the table.
The apéritif, or “apéro,” as the French nickname it, gives guests a chance to filter in—everyone has that one always-late late friend, right?—and socialize for a while to break the ice, relax, and catch up a bit. Consider it an icebreaking warm-up for the evening ahead.
You don’t have to go the apéro route if eating in a French restaurant, but remember that the restaurant staff considers this stage a part of the meal and the service time. In French restaurants, they plan for you to linger. Most French restaurants only have one or two seatings per table per service—so they expect you to stay a while. (For Americans, this level of “table turn” seems shockingly low.)
The apéro stage of the meal means that when servers greet you and ask what you would like to drink, they often expect you to respond with your apéro order. If you’d like to skip this step, simply thank your server and ask for the “carte.” (Note: “Carte,” pronounced “cart,” is the French word for “menu.” Though “menu” is a French word, it has a different meaning in France. More on this next.)
Ordering Guidance for French Restaurants
The first interaction with servers in French restaurants is an opportunity for them to welcome you to the establishment and, as part of their welcome, to offer you an apéritif.
Only after your drinks—and sometimes, even then, only after you’ve asked for one—will you receive a menu.
Not shoving a menu at you the moment you sit down is seen as quality service in a French restaurant. In their eyes, handing you a menu at first sight or before you’ve requested one is a form of rushing you. Rushing you through your restaurant experience is considered bad service in France.
When assessing a menu, you will see a variety of different items and different courses, all offered “à la carte,” or “by the menu.” You can order from these lists according to your mood. In addition to the à la carte items, you will often see a “menu” offered. A menu—in the French meaning of the word—has two or three set courses for a fixed price, or “prix fixe.”
Though we often ignore these set menus in American restaurants, as they’re rarely good options (or are intended for kids), the menu in a French restaurant is often a fantastic deal and offers the restaurant’s freshest and most popular food. You’ll find that, if you eat with French people, they will typically order the menu, rarely bothering to peruse the “carte.”
Whether you order the menu or choose to go à la carte, realize that the French expect you to order multiple courses. Perhaps they won’t eat an entrée, plat principal, and dessert (in English, that’s starter or appetizer, main course or entrée, and dessert), but most French people will have at least two courses for every restaurant meal.
Dinner à la carte at the fabulous JY’s restaurant in Colmar, France. August 10, 2019.
Unlike in American restaurants, one plate per meal is not enough to fill you up—the French portion each course under the assumption that you will have more than one. (Herein lies the misunderstanding between the French and Americans when it comes to restaurant dining: The French are shocked that the Americans eat such huge portions—but don’t realize they typically only order one plate when dining at a restaurant—and the Americans are shocked that the French eat so little, not understanding that no French person goes to a restaurant and just orders a main dish.)
Therefore, plan to order at last two courses at a French restaurant.
And a final, highly important note: The French consider it shockingly rude to ask for substitutions in dishes or for different-than-planned preparations from the chef. If you have an allergy or a specific dietary concern, they’ll understand. Otherwise, the French consider it extremely impolite to question the expertise of a chef on how to best prepare a meal.
Interacting with Restaurant Servers and Staff
Four points to smooth your experience in interacting with restaurant staff in France:
First: As mentioned above and in my article about cultural misunderstandings in France, the French reserve restaurant dining for a treat. They don’t eat at restaurants daily or even several times a week. Therefore, when you eat at a French restaurant, the staff assumes that you have come for a full restaurant experience. (Expect at least a two-hour meal, even at lunch.)
French restaurants and their staff take their roles and careers seriously. For this reason, sitting down in a French restaurant and telling the server to “hurry” or saying that you “have somewhere else to be, so you need to rush,” won’t get a warm reception.
Everyone has moments when they need to eat and don’t have much time—including the French. However, if this is your case, don’t make a reservation at a French restaurant. Instead, pick up something simple at a boulangerie. (French boulangeries have amazing sandwiches, salads, and quiches.)
Second: When addressing your server, no matter what you’ve seen in American movies, absolutely do not use the term “garçon.” In French, it means “boy.”
Just as you wouldn’t call out, “Hey, boy!” to a waiter in the United States, you shouldn’t say it in France. It’s rude and condescending.
If you need to get the server’s attention, use the name given to you when you arrived or, if you can’t remember or pronounce it, say “excuse me” or “excusez-moi.”
Third: Servers will rarely automatically bring you the bill, as they do in American restaurants. This is true even if you’ve clearly finished eating and even if they’ve cleared your dishes.
The French consider it rude to bring the bill before guests have requested it, as doing so would seem to rush you out the door before you’ve decided to leave. (As covered above, the French consider rushing diners as extremely bad service.)
Fourth: The French pay restaurant staff a living wage, but servers still appreciate tips. If you choose to tip, 10 percent of the bill’s total is considered more than adequate.
A Few Pointers on French Dining Etiquette
Going into the specific differences in dining etiquette between the United States and France would take an entire book—and I daresay it already has.
However, a few quick pointers to assuage any nervousness you may feel in noticing a few common differences between French and American table manners:
The French use their utensils differently than Americans. Don’t feel that you need to imitate the French method, just because you’re in France—doing so is a surefire way to launch a food-laden fork across the restaurant. The French know Americans use their utensils differently; stick with what you were taught. You’re fine.
Though you can use them the American way, use your utensils for everything unless you’re eating a sandwich from the boulangerie on a park bench. The French even eat hamburgers and French fries—at least in restaurants—with forks and knives. Eating with your hands is considered gross.
Though Americans learned to use a special plate for their bread, the French put it directly onto the table next to their plate. If you can’t bear to do the same because it feels rude or wrong or gross—no problem. Just don’t feel alarmed when the French do it. (It surprised me, no lie.)
The French find it repulsive to bite into something and then pull part of it away from your mouth. For example, do not butter a slice of bread and then bite off a piece. Instead, pull off a bite-sized piece of your bread slice, butter that bite, and put the entire morsel in your mouth. This goes for anything you eat: The entire item needs to go into your mouth at one time.
Again, I could elaborate endlessly on the differences in table manners. I keep finding new ones. However, this handful seem the most universally worthwhile for people visiting France.
Cultural Understanding Improves Experiences (Dining Included!)
Dining in France, where the restaurant business is considered a true art and a valid career, is a treat. If you’ve heard complaints about rude waiters and bad service, you’ve likely talked with someone who’s walked into the French dining experience without the full cultural context.
Sure, you could blame the French for not adapting their methods to suit a foreign visitor—but how should they know what you expect? And don’t you want an authentic experience, not something designed to cater to tourists? Further, and most importantly: As with all experiences in any foreign country, we need to remember that we are guests in the country we’ve chosen to visit—and act accordingly. (Remember those manners your parents worked hard to teach you!)
Speaking of cultural experiences (and differences), don’t neglect to try dishes different from the ones you might get at home (or that you think you’d like). In solidarity, here’s a video of me trying frog legs in France: