The Gala and the Single Girl

Me, solo, at a gala in June 2012.

In many a business executive's life, a gala will fall.

These aren't necessarily weekday charity benefit luncheons, for which it's perfectly acceptable to go solo--and I do. These are the weekend-evening ball-gown affairs that take place at a swanky hotel and to which everyone brings a spouse.

Here’s the thing: I'm a single girl.

It's strange to go solo to these things. Part of the idea is that your business contacts will meet your spouse or partner and see a different side of you, which will help everyone bond. And it's kind of lonely going alone, as everyone else is on a date night.

Sure, I could tag along with a couple who are personal friends--not just business contacts. But I feel like a third wheel. (No matter how many times the couple tells me that I'm not. I feel that way, so I am. Single people everywhere will back me up on this.)

I could take someone with whom I've had a few dates. However, taking someone you’re in the early stages of dating is awkward. It seems like you're "announcing" him as a significant other. And at all these events, your business contacts will exclaim, "Oh, it’s so nice to meet your husband!" What do you do? Laugh and say, "Him? Nah. He's just a new friend." Ouch. Or try something like, "No, but maybe someday!" Scary.

Let's say I take a single friend. I've found that getting together in formal wear and spending an evening in which every cue screams "date" makes him wonder. If he's not interested in me romantically, he wonders if I was truly inviting him as just a friend and isn't sure how to act. Or maybe I find that he is interested romantically when he surprises me with an amorous advance. (Been there, and it's awful.)

I've had married and committed male friends say that they will go with me, if needed. It's a nice offer, but there's no way the wife or girlfriend is truly comfortable with this, whatever she says. Their men all dressed up and taking another woman--and a single, available woman, to boot--out on the town on a Saturday night? Egad. I don't want to deal with that. (And he shouldn't, either).

If I take a female friend for company, people make other assumptions. I don't care if someone thinks I'm a lesbian. But going to a gala and having people assume I am provokes extremely awkward conversations. People are compelled to tell stories that show how comfortable they are with gay people. Conversations that I must interrupt to explain that I'm not gay. After which everyone stands there awkwardly for a moment, looking stupid and embarrassed.

The saving grace, really, is the gay male friend. There's no inner turmoil about whether it's a date, and if he's in a relationship, his boyfriend or partner isn't threatened by the likes of a girl. If someone asks if he's my husband, we laugh. And we have a good time, because there's no pressure. Not that my gay male friends are always available for these functions. (And sometimes they have their own dates to the same parties.)

So it's a conundrum until Mr. Right comes along. I'll find him. Someday.