Dating and Children
A man with whom I had a serious relationship--and his amazing daughter. Another issue with dating parents: You fall in love with their kids. Carlsbad Caverns. Summer 2008.
Experience has taught that people with children should date other people with children.
I don’t have kids.
Don’t misunderstand me: I love children. I don’t have any, yet you can credit that to my never having met someone with whom I wanted to procreate. (That father-of-my-children role? Rather important, don’cha know.)
Schedules
I don’t need to plan around the days or times I have children. So I don’t want to keep missing fun stuff for someone else’s kids.
Vacations
As they should, parents travel with their children—and they center these trips on kid-friendly activities. I vacation infrequently due to work and other obligations. When I do travel for fun, I’ll pass on SeaWorld.
Exes
I don't regularly chat or meet with my exes. Nor do we attend functions or holidays or celebrations and birthdays together. In turn, I don’t want my life to necessitate ongoing awkward politesse with a significant other’s ex.
Disposable Income
Children require daily expense—food, medical, extracurricular activities, entertainment, child care, school, and so forth—and future-planning costs, including college, graduation, weddings, coming-of-age parties (quinceanaras, sweet sixteens, bar and bat mitzvahs).
So, typically, people without children have more disposable income. Why should I miss a fabulous trip with a special guy or joint splurges?
Think these issues disappear when the person’s kiddoes leave the nest?
Think again.
The children will marry. They will have children. The cycle of above issues then will continue with grandchildren. (I’ve seen this through my friends’ experiences.)
Again, if I had children as well, the guy and I would both face these challenges—and have sympathy and understanding. And I'd gladly make these sacrifices for my own children. The resulting rewards would prove worth every compromise.
But I don’t have children.