Firing from the Firer’s Perspective

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People don’t have much sympathy for people who fire other people. Certainly, as someone who has had to fire others, I don’t expect any sympathy. Not from the person in question, not from anyone they know, and not even from the general public.

I don’t need to explain why.

First, even if the decision came via general consensus, everyone shoots the messenger. When something hurts, you lash out at the closest possible outlet to deflect the hurt. Further, fewer people have firing authority than the general population, so anyone who fires has the wrath of the masses against him. After all, if you haven’t had to fire someone, you don’t have the full picture. (And you may feel quite glad that you don't. I wouldn't wish the experience on anyone.)

I’ve had new managers preparing for their first firings come to me to discuss the big events. I’ve had people ask me about the firing experience out of curiosity.

Clearly, the world out there wonders: What happens? What’s it like?

Firing Someone Feels Awful, No Matter the Reason

Dismissing someone from his job feels like murder even if he’s done something so egregious that the firing is “for cause”—which means, basically, that he’s broken a very clear ethical or legal rule.

And even when you’ve talked to the person numerous times about performance issues—making the dismissal not for cause but due to poor job fit—firing someone feels like a drive-by shooting.

The Dismissal Lead-up

Often, when you’ve finally admitted that you need to fire someone, you’ve avoided the decision for a long time—too long.

The decision feels so awful and you feel so badly about it that you’ve either tried to help the person even when he shows no sign of performance improvement or you’ve given up on coaching and simply continued to put off the final decision, thinking that more pressing matters take priority. (And perhaps they do. But personnel issues should never take too far a back seat to other workplace agendas.)

Once you’ve made the decision, you’ll lose sleep.

You won’t have anyone within the company who has the full picture to talk to about the decision or the coming action, as you shouldn’t gossip about such serious matters. You’ll fret it over in your mind nearly constantly, wondering what to say, how to say it, and how the person in question will respond.

You’ll have trouble functioning normally. You should move as quickly as possible in carrying through the firing, because the person still directly reporting to you will sense trouble.

Besides, you can’t give him anything to do.

Making the Cut

Ever made plans to meet a significant other to end the relationship?

In the hours before the dismissal, just as you felt before the breakup, you’ll feel pervasive anxiety. During the firing, you’ll feel the same clenched, nauseated gut. Later that day, still shaken, you will drive the wrong way down a one-way street that you’ve navigated successfully daily for over a decade, as I did the last time I had to fire someone.

Firing Someone Never Gets Easier

Likely, you’ve worked alongside this person for a long time. You know him, his life, and the consequences of his dismissal to his existence beyond the office. You wish he hadn’t done whatever he's done—or that he'd do whatever you need him to do in terms of performance—to remove the need for his dismissal.

You wish you didn't have to fire him.

If you can fire someone easily, without a qualm or even a moment of fleeting emotion, you’ve become too desensitized. You’ve become the police officer who has seen too much wrong in the world, making everything look suspect. You’ve turned into the physician who has seen too much death, making patients not people, but charts and numbers.

I try to minimize the need for firing. I’d rather never, ever do it. But into every manager’s life, a firing will fall. And it will hurt.

And perhaps knowing that it hurts us, the firers, will make the people who’ve gotten dismissed feel just a slight bit better.

Have you ever fired someone? Share your experience.